Understanding Your Neurodivergent Child’s Needs

At The Walden Clinic, we have nearly 20 years of experience diagnosing and supporting children, parents and adults as they navigate assessment and beyond.  We recognise the importance of empowering children and their families with knowledge and understanding to promote the well-being and autonomy of autistic individuals. 

Acceptance

One of the most important things that we have recognised, is the importance of acceptance; recognising it is differences not deficits.  ASD, a lifelong condition, is not something to be ‘cured’ or ‘fixed’, but something to be supported so that individual needs are identified and adjustments made to let that person thrive, especially in a world that often caters for neurotypical needs.  As we highlighted in a previous post, if a plant is not growing, you do not ask it to grow better; you change its environment to better meet its needs. 

It will be important for you to accept the differences in how your child communicates.  They may need more time and information to understand a situation. They will need the listener to take more time to tune in to how they communicate e.g. if they have a tendency to speak literally, use of nonverbal communication.  It will be important for others to consider their own communication and interaction style and what they may need to adapt e.g. being mindful of volume, using precise language, accepting differences in nonverbal communication. Using visual aids or writing things down may be helpful, as can using a limited choice format to questions “do you like…or …?”. 

Change Expectations

There are often implicit and explicit expectations that are placed on individuals by family, school and wider social systems.  Unfortunately, a number of these expectations have been developed for neurotypical people, with neurodivergent people either engaging in masking behaviours to try to meet these demands, which can lead to burnout, or disengaging completely.  Identifying your child’s particular needs is crucial to their well-being, even if that means they do not achieve or engage in behaviours that a ‘typical’ child may.  That does not mean that autistic children or adults do not achieve in life – it is quite the opposite.  Autistic people have changed the world for the better.  Their divergence allows them to view and understand the world in a way that has provided advancements and contributions in all areas of life.  However, adjusting expectations for other areas of their life may be essential.  This can mean accepting differences in what their friendships look like, how they are educated, how they are comforted and how they spend their free time. 

Responding to Needs

Times of transition may be particularly difficult for your child, and therefore they would benefit from being well prepared for any significant changes in their life.  Day-to-day they may also benefit from visual timetables and clear expectations to prepare them for the day, with social/emotional capacity taken into account when developing this.  Some autistic individuals can find it difficult to articulate their needs, and may benefit from their parents gently exploring this with them.  This can include:

• agreeing on a specific way to ask how their day has been
• it may be developing a routine that allows for space and quiet to regulate themselves especially after a day in school
• it can be agreeing on a shared language for sharing their emotions and what they might need in these circumstances, as sometimes their behaviour may look the same, but the emotion and need underpinning it is different    

Support Understanding

Children and adolescents with ASD may require support to understand why somebody has acted in a particular way, especially as social demands increase.  This does not mean asking them to become more neurotypical, it means discussing complex social scenarios and relationships with precise and factual language.  Present different perspectives of a situation, including their perspective, but do not try to convince them that they have got it wrong.     

Support Sensory Needs

Consider your child’s individual sensory needs, which can change from day to day and environment to environment.  School can be a challenging environment for young people who are neurodivergent due to the social and sensory demands. As such, making space to recharge their social battery regularly over the course of the day, with quiet times in the day and after school, are likely to benefit them.  Encouraging engagement in stimming behaviours may also help regulate their emotional and sensory needs. 

At the Walden Clinic, we believe that every step towards understanding and acceptance contributes to a brighter future for all.